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A story

March 2, 2010

Please take a look to the right because I have updated my blogroll with some new favorites. One of them is Go Fug Yourself, and oh, how the Fug Girls make me laugh!

Love. Them.

So, in ripping a dress from the NAACP Image Awards, the Fug Girls made an Esther Williams reference. Which reminded me of a story…

The following is a true story and no names have been changed to protect anybody. As I have mentioned many times before in my old blog, we vacation every year in Maine at the same place. We stay in the same house, surrounded by the same neighbors. Most of the people we have made friends with there are summer people like we are. They own summer cottages in the same spot and stay there for a few weeks or months each year. We have also made the acquaintance of a few year-rounders on the island. One of them was a striking woman with a German accent, perfectly cropped silver hair, and a penchant for all things white including clothes and furniture. She even named her daughter Winter. Her name was Christina and when she learned that my husband and I were engaged she heartily congratulated us and said, “Now you must have a glory baby!”

Christina lived alone, although her adult children often visited and she had many friends on the island. Sadly, she passed away a few springs ago and her family decided to have a memorial service that summer so that all of Christina’s summer friends could attend. We were invited to the service, along with many of our vacation neighbors and we were all asked to wear white to honor Christina.

The service was held at a large church on the island and the pews were full. Many of Christina’s friends eulogized her and it was very touching. We learned a lot about her that day, about facets of her life and her personality we never saw ourselves. We found ourselves with tears in our eyes, choked up and verklempt.

Near the end of the service, one more person stood up to eulogize Christina – her ex-husband, Edward Bell. Edward is a former professor who became an actor and now lives in California, and he is married to Esther Williams – yes, that Esther Williams of the swimming movies. At first it seemed very thoughtful for her ex-husband to attend and to be there for their son. (Their daughter had also passed away a year or two before.) So, Edward stands at the podium and starts remembering Christina. He spoke about her beauty and her brains and about their tempestuous relationship… and about their passion for each other. It was starting to feel awkward – after all, he’s married to someone else now. But then it got more awkward as he spoke for everyone to hear, including his probably mortified son and daughter-in-law, about how their passion led them to make love everywhere, including the Macy’s dressing room and the mile high club.

I’ll let you just digest that for a moment. At his ex-wife’s memorial service, he thought it was appropriate to mention doing the wild thing in Macy’s dressing room.

Amazingly enough, it only got more awkward. It reached an all-new level of awkward, heretofore unrecognized by the English language and incomprehensible to that fascinating man in the Dos Equis commercials. Edward gestured to his son and asked him to do something. The son must have hesitated, because Edward egged him on and said it was okay. It was a small radio that he was asking him to bring up to him and play a song. Some music creaked from the speaker and Esther Williams’ husband, now sobbing for his ex-wife, sang along to some old song about how could you do this to me, how could you leave me, me, me, me.

We left the service stunned and dumbfounded. So, I am sorry, Esther Williams, but apparently you are married to an ass.  The end.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. caryl permalink
    March 2, 2010 2:06 am

    Wow. Not sure what to say!

    Oh, I know. He may be an ass, but you’re a great story-teller. I mean it.

  2. karma permalink
    March 2, 2010 9:56 pm

    Holy crap dude! I’m sure you must have told me this story shortly after it happened, but I didn’t remember it as I read through. Dang!

    Re: your tweets: what’s Hoarders or Hoarders Buried Alive a reference to?

    And was there a special occasion for rib roast and strawberry banana cream pie? Or you just felt like it? Ever feel like inviting your sis over for dinner when these moods strike you? 😉

    • March 3, 2010 12:56 am

      Hoarders is a scary reality show, I think on TLC, about real people with a real mental disorder that causes them to hoard stuff and live in complete disarray and sometimes filth. I saw a commercial for this Buried Alive… I guess a more extreme version? I am not sure I want to know.

      The only occasion for the rib roast was that they had an awesome sale at Big Y! $3.99 a pound with a silver coin. Sorry, man! It did get gobbled up quickly though by us + kids + boyfriend.

  3. LeighG permalink
    March 2, 2010 10:16 pm

    Wow, I’m with Caryl, I’m speechless! Awkward sounds like an understatement though I must say it must have been entertaining!

  4. Anne permalink
    March 3, 2010 1:16 am

    Ah, yes, I remember it well. And the funny thing???? I was just relating this story to my friends in Houston this weekend!!

    Oh yes, great minds think alike!!

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